Just start pretending to like the same things she does – You probably hear it in every single movie or TV show that has any number of teenage boys.
It’s actually quite shocking, but there are actually still people who do this. Whether it’s a guy or a girl, I’ve seen people completely change who they are for the person they’re into.
Heck, I’ve even been guilty of it once or twice.
But trust me, it’s a very dangerous precedent and something you probably shouldn’t do to someone.
Where does it come from?
First things first, whether it’s for a friend relationship or a romantic relationship, we need to understand that this behaviour comes from two things – insecurity and a desire to impress the other person.
The person doesn’t feel like they’re connected to you, so they pretend to like the same thing. They want a point of commonality to join the two of you, and something they can always refer back to.
It’s also insecurity within the person. Since they don’t know exactly what you think of them, they’re constantly forming an impression with you. They’re worried about not being interesting enough as they are, so they need to be something they think you find interesting.
Take it from me
Like every TV show taught me growing up, doing this does not get you the girl. In fact, when they find out you’ve been pretending, it’s 10x worst.
I think as tempting it is to just become something that the other person likes, because at the end of day, that’s exactly what it is. It’s because the other person likes the subjects, so if we know more, or even become similar to the other person, then that will cause them to like us.
I remember in high school, although I didn’t do anything too detrimental, one of the things I did was this.
If someone told me they liked a band, I instantly went to go listen to it and tried to find a song I liked. If someone told me about a new TV show, or a video game, at least 2-3 hours will be dedicated to that the same evening.
Being the new kid at school, I cared a lot about what other people thought. I wanted to impress them with my similarities with them. To show them that I was one of them.
Doing this with relationships
One of the things I’ve been seeing in the interactions my friends have with their online dates, is this exact thing in relationships.
The other person will spend a great deal of time playing 20 questions. Trying to find that one thing to be like “yes, I like this too, we’re the same so we should date.”
With the quarantine, I’ve heard from a lot of my friends that it’s gotten increasingly difficult. Not having the option to see the other person in real life, it’s almost entirely online. Well, if you’re trying to respect the pandemic I guess.
I think that’s what causes some complications in the online dating world these days. People have time to go and search up anything to pretend to be something the other person likes.
In conclusion
It might just be my own experience and what I observe with the people in my life, but in my opinion, doing this never works.
It’s not only exhausting for you, but it’s also pretty hurtful for the other person to know that they’ve been lied to.
As cliché as it sounds, I think being yourself is the way to go. But I know it’s not easy.
For some reason, we always think that it’s hard to accept that other people may like who we are.
With all our weirdness, and clumsiness, and laziness. Our ness’s and all, other people actually like who we are deep down.
Other people love connecting through common flaws, gaps and imperfections.
That’s the beautiful thing about humans.
We accept each other because we see ourselves.
So, tell me, what’s the craziest thing you pretended to like?
Let me know in the comments!
If you’d like, you can read my previous article on learning to manage stress.
You can also check out similar articles in the advice corner section.
I also write for Medium and a publication called P.S. I Love You.
Thank you so much for reading.
Love always,
Alex
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