For those who don’t know, ghosting sounds almost silly, like a prank where you go around scaring people as ghosts.
The reality of ghosting however, can be much, much scarier.
We’ve all been there, either being the one doing the ghosting, or the one on the receiving end. Maybe we’re fortunate enough to have only seen it happen to other people.
So, what is ghosting?
As funny as it sounds, it has nothing to do with the paranormal. Ghosting actually refers to disappearing, usually in regards to a romantic relationship, where you suddenly don’t respond and remove them on social media, so that there’s no trace of your relationship.
Usually, it happens at the early stages of relationships, in the dating phase.
You’ve went on a few dates together, you text each other all the time, and then one day, out of the blue, nothing. No response to your ‘good morning’ text. Zero interaction or engagement with any of your social media posts, and you can no longer see any of their social media because they’ve blocked you.
All of a sudden, the person who you were actually starting to really like, has cut you off like you two were merely strangers.
It seems obvious that it’s a pretty awful thing to do, and that no decent human being should ever do to another.
So why to people do it?
Ghosting comes from lack of honesty and transparency. The person doing the ghosting is probably too afraid to be honest about it.
I mean, who wants to tell someone that they just spend weeks wasting the other’s time just to realize that they don’t feel the same way.
Maybe they’re not ready for a relationship yet. Or maybe they found someone else who they think are more compatible.
Either way, ghosting means that the other person is scared to tell you the truth for some reason.
And I’ll be honest, it sucks.
It’s probably one of the suckiest things about dating, because you can spend so much time actually giving your emotions to someone new, only to have it thrown in your face, without even so much as a goodbye text.
To this day, I genuinely feel it’s one of the worst things you can do during the dating phase, and it really speaks to that person’s character and their approach to relationships.
What should I do instead?
I think that something many don’t realize, is that telling the truth is probably much better in the long run.
At the very least, it won’t leave someone wondering about what they could have done, or why the other person left.
In extreme cases, I’ve even seen intensified self-blame and self-loathing.
Ghosting just causes the other person to wonder what is wrong with them, and why the other person felt the need to leave without a trace.
Instead of ghosting, try just talking about it honestly. Even if it sucks and the other person ends up really sad.
Because I can probably guarantee you, the pain will be a lot for them in the beginning after telling the truth, but it’s temporary.
Lack of closure on the other hand, can have a much later expiry date. Throughout the next weeks, months or even years, the person could be blaming themselves, wondering what they did wrong.
It’s almost like ripping the Band-Aid off at once, rather than slowly peeling it, and not knowing what’s underneath.
In conclusion
Ghosting is actually a pretty fitting name.
Overnight, you disappear from the other person’s life, not giving them a chance to say goodbye.
All the laughs, all the smiles and conversations, are all erased.
It creates the illusion that perhaps the relationship never even existed.
Although one person may want that, there’s no telling what impact it could have on the person being ghosted.
I think that it’s an awful thing to do to someone you even once cared about, and in the long run, transparency and honesty will be the best way of ending a conversation with someone.
Don’t be a ghost, be a human being.
Tell me, what ghosting experience do you have?
Let me know in the comments!
If you’d like, you can read my previous article on what I learned from the song – Home.
You can also check out more of my millennial advice in the advice corner.
I also write for Medium and a publication called P.S. I Love You.
Thank you so much for reading.
Love always,
Alex
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