If you are in a long-distance relationship, you’ll probably want to hear this.
Unfortunately, the odds are stacked against you, no matter how much you love the other person.
The truth is, long-distance relationships almost fall along the same vertical as summer love. It comes fast, it’ll be fun, but sooner or later reality becomes the most important consideration.
Let me paint you a picture:
Your long-awaited exchange trip is finally here. You’re looking at all the places you want to travel around your school and you end up meeting a group of people.
Within that group, there’s someone that’s jumping out from the crowd. They have the perfect hair, gorgeous brown eyes and the charm of a completely different culture and upbringing.
Before long, you’re going on dates, travelling together and you even imagine a future where you invite them to meet your parents.
Sadly, exchange doesn’t last forever and you have to go home. You spend the next few months calling them, planning FaceTime’s, sending photos of your food and appreciating the convenience of iMessage.
At this point, you already know how you feel about the relationship.
You want it to work. It’s something that feels so real, and it just sucks that the person you love is from another country.
But here’s the thing:
What if I told you that you can have a similar, potentially even better relationship with someone compatible, and lives closer to you?
It won’t be the same person, but it will replace the scheduled phone calls and being that person who’s in a relationship but their partner is never there.
The truth is, the likelihood of your long-distance relationship working out with your partner doesn’t look too good. I know, it’s so hard to accept that. But the level of commitment it takes to maintain a long-distance relationship will pay off on the next relationship.
Why your long-distance relationship might not work for you
Almost every long-distance relationship can be different. Perhaps the distance isn’t halfway across the world, but only across the country.
Now, we all love a good success story when it comes to love.
But what if it just doesn’t work out? What if it’s just too difficult for you two, or too many obstacles in the way. Maybe it’s your first relationship and you’re just afraid to let it go.
Here are some reasons why your long-distance relationship isn’t working for you:
Lack of physical touch in a long-distance relationship
No matter what kind of relationship you’re in, a healthy one usually includes some degree of physical touch.
Whether it’s visiting the other person and giving them a hug, or being able to kiss them on a date, it matters.
But we all know that it’s not possible to have that kind of touch when one of you is a 5-hour plane ride away.
The truth is, physical touch is a fundamental part of any relationship.
It communicates our desire for the other person.
If you’re the type of person who loves backrubs, cuddling hugs, hand holding, etc., then a long-distance relationship might not be ideal for you.
Fights are easier to ignore
Fighting is a healthy part of a relationship.
It lets us confront our feelings with our partner instead of bottling it up.
In a long-distance relationship however, it might be a different story.
See, regular fights with our partner may look like this:
You talk, you fight, you have some time to cool off, and then you go and find the other person and apologize.
But what if you can’t go to them?
This makes arguing and disagreements extra important because you can never apologize in person.
What ends up happening is that both people in the relationship don’t apologize, or doesn’t do a good job of it over the phone, or the argument just gets ignored because your partner ‘had to go somewhere.’
Ignoring a fight can leave a lot of room in your relationship for pent-up negative feelings towards your partner. It leads to unresolved issues.
A regular date becomes a special occasion
What if I told you that you won’t be able to go watch movies in your next relationship? Or that you couldn’t shop with your partner in your next relationship?
Want to go eat at a new place that just opened up? You have to wait a while. A new limited-time gallery just popped up? You’ll have to wait for your partner.
It’s crazy to think that we take these things for granted.
It may not look that way, but put yourself in the shoes of someone in a long-distance relationship.
Movie theater dates seem impossible. A regular shopping trip needs to be planned.
Every time you see the other person, it now becomes a special occasion and you feel bad if you’re not maximizing your time with them.
If you’re the type of person in a relationship who enjoys spending a lot of time with your partner doing a lot of activities in your local area, then a long-distance relationship might not be ideal.
In conclusion
If you’re about to embark on, or already in a long-distance relationship, consider whether or not it’s suitable for you.
I think a lot of people see success stories and assume they can make it work.
A lot of times however, it takes certain types of people for long-distance relationships.
It takes those who lean more on the independent side and don’t require too much for a relationship. People who are okay with no movie dates, or dinner, or shopping. Those who are fine with seeing their partner a few times a year.
For the rest of us, it’s okay to have second thoughts.
There’s no one-size-fits-all and some people just aren’t meant for a long-distance relationship.
If you’d like you can read more of my thoughts on relationships on P.S. I Love You.
You can also read my previous post on self-acceptance.
Thank you so much for reading.
Love always, Alex
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