Attention in a relationship | A realization that helped my relationship

Attention. Something so undervalued, and yet it’s one of the most important things in life.

What we put our attention to shows what we care about. It shows how much value it holds in our lives, and it gives a pretty good representation about who each person is.

How does attention relate to consideration?

Whether it’s through your day-to-day life, your career, your surroundings, and most importantly your relationships.

Where we are receiving attention from can sometimes even determine our self-worth.

Often times, we confuse our own self-worth and value in a relationship with things like happiness, mutual agreement, validation.

But we leave out the most important thing, which can also be called ‘Consideration’.

Consideration is how much our significant other pays attention to us. How much they remember our little quirks. It shows how much they think about us on a day-to-day basis. How much, really, they care about us. 

There’s no excuse

One of my favourite excuses is “I didn’t know” or “I forgot”.

It’s kind of hard to forget something that means so much to your significant other if you see them so often.

The only reason those two excuses could be used is if you genuinely forgot. It means you prioritized other things before your partner. Which means your own life is more important. 

It’s why people don’t realize their partners are depressed. Why people don’t understand why their partner can behave a certain way, or is for some reason mad at them. 

Of course, this mainly relates to the important things in our lives. If you tell your partner about something casual happening at work and they forget a month later, it’s not really the point I’m trying to make here.

The breaking point

I think that within every relationship, we hit a point.

A line that shouldn’t be crossed. Where one person realizes their worth.

It’s the moment where they’re tired of always being the considerate one. To never feel cared for just because their partner ‘has a lot going on’. At some point we ask ourselves, are we even important to them?

It speaks to the urgency and priorities in the other persons life. The moment that we ask ourselves that question is usually past the breaking point where we realize, even if we receive attention now, it might not even matter because we know where we stand.

Give them your attention

We give our attention to so many things in our lives. The answer to a healthy relationship can sometimes be right in front of you and can easily be solved.

Remember that when you prioritize your relationship and give your partner the attention they want, you’re indirectly letting them know that they matter to you, and you care what they have to say.

We often get swept up with work, family, pandemics, or whatever is happening in Khloe or Kim’s life, we forget what’s happening in our partner’s life.

How are they doing? What happened at work today? Are they doing alright emotionally and mentally?

Ask them those questions and you’ll realize just how much you could have been missing from your partner all this time, and just how happy they are that they’re able to share their lives with you.

In conclusion

Attention isn’t just the most valuable currency for magicians and marketers, but it’s one of the most valuable components in a relationship.

The attention we give often determines our investment into the relationship and the position it holds in the equation that is our life.

One of the best things I realized, is that sometimes, a simple 30 minutes of listening to your partner can lead to 30 hours of happiness.

No matter who it is, people like to be heard and know that they’re cared for. Let your partner know.

Give them your attention.

Are you investing attention in your relationship?

Let me know in the comments!

If you’d like, you can read my previous article on why having bad days are good.

You can also check out similar articles in the advice corner.

I also write for Medium and a publication called P.S. I Love You.

Thank you so much for reading.

Love always,

Alex