Changing who we are for someone else | Behaviour in relationships

When we first meet someone we like, or get close with a crush, we begin changing who we are for the other person.

Now I don’t mean we become completely different people, but maybe just parts of ourself.

Maybe it’s our taste in music, or preference in food.

Perhaps it’s feeling the need to adjust to the other person’s hobbies. Like that tennis phase you took 1 lesson for.

Point is, it happens but what does it mean? And why is it bad?

What does changing who we are really mean?

Well the good thing is we like the other person!

So much so that we’re willing to change who we are.

Or if you want to be nice about it, we’re willing to learn new things for the other person.

And sometimes it catches on, becoming a hobby of ours.

The rest of the time, it’s just another thing we did to have something in common with the other person.

But you don’t need to, and here’s why.

If everyone in the world had the exact same taste in everything, we would cease to exist.

Without different preferences and approaches, we’ll never change or move forward.

So why is that okay in a relationship?

Granted you’ll want to do things together, but if one person doesn’t actually like it, then it’s a little unfair.

We’re better off just finding something that’s enjoyed by both instead of adjusting ourselves to one person’s preferences.

Because it stops being a relationship with two people.

It touches on giving and taking, but that’s for another day.

Changing who we are for our partners is not the best for a healthy relationship in my opinion.

So what can we do?

Stop trying to force people to do things, and that includes yourself.

There’s nothing wrong with liking the things you like just like how there’s nothing wrong with not doing what you don’t like.

So why change that for somebody else?

Instead of changing who we are, how about finding something that’s enjoyed by both and let everything else be individual traits.

Have you ever taken up a new hobby for someone else?

Let me know in the comments!

Check out my last article on telling the truth.

You can also check out similar articles in the relationship stuff section.

I also write for Medium and a publication called P.S. I Love You.

Thank you so much for reading.

Love always,

Alex

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